So many people tell me about the pain that they go through as they try to make school fit. Their child is miserable at school, every day feels like a battle, and the school continuously place blame for their child’s lack of enthusiasm/ refusal/ separation anxiety on the parents. Families try everything—meetings with teachers, new routines, even different schools. It is not uncommon for nothing to work and for things to become increasingly worse.
Finding out the truth
The reality is that schools are not built for children, not to meet their needs or nurture their curiosity. And some children are better at letting us know that than others. And it is not because parents have failed in some way. I’ll say that again to be clear, it is not your fault and your child is not broken.
Cliff jumping
Coming to unschooling can feel like jumping off a cliff. Parents worry about what people would think, how their child will learn, and whether they are making a huge mistake. The more I talk to other parents, the more they realise that they aren’t alone. Lots of families end up here—seemingly at the end of the road, because it’s what their kids need.
(In my heart of hearts, I wish more folk would find it before it is a last resort. I wish families would choose it because it is something that families come to because it is amazing and so needed for our children, families, communities and the world – but that feels like another blog post. Maybe consider sharing this blog post or the podcast with families that you know before they hit crisis point.)
Unschooling niche
Unschooling is a niche within a niche, and it can feel really lonely. Most people don’t understand why you’d take your kids out of school. Family and friends might question your choices. And if your child is neurodivergent—autistic, ADHD, not willing to comply, or doesn’t fit the school box—it can feel like you’re the only one dealing with the meltdowns, the anxiety, and the constant need to explain yourself.
What’s helped me most is finding other parents who get it. Sometimes that’s a local group but can easily be online. We share what’s working, what’s not, and just listen to each other. There’s no magic fix but knowing someone else has been through the same thing makes a huge difference.
I’ve also learned that looking after myself matters. It’s easy to put all your energy into your family and forget about your own needs. But if I don’t take a breath, ask for help, or learn how to lean into the moments—even if it’s just a cup of tea in peace—I end up effecting the energy in the household and negatively impacting what is going on.
If you’re thinking about unschooling, or you’re already in the thick of it, know that you’re not alone. There are people out there who understand, and it’s okay to ask for support. You don’t have to do it all by yourself.
Unschooling isn’t always easy, but it can be the right thing for some families. And sometimes, just knowing you’re not the only one is enough to keep going.
Here are four ways in which unschooling families find ease in community:
- Acknowledging that parents are often the best advocates and experts for their children’s educational needs.
- Flexible, inclusive support networks that understand the unique experiences of neurodivergent families.
- Mental health and well-being of both children and parents are considered.
- Spaces where unschooling families can connect, share experiences, and provide mutual support without judgment.
Want to delve deeper?
Listen to the Unschooling Conversations podcast: Season 3 Episode 6
Unschooling Together: Building Community and Capacity for Neurodivergent Families
with Melissa Crocket-Joyoue
Remember: You belong in community
Melissa and her partner have two neurodivergent children and they came to unschooling after their son had an extremely challenging time at school. She co-hosts the Unschooling Summit holds the Weave online community for unschooling parents of neurodivergent children.